Humorous Quotes attributed to Benjamin Franklin 1706-1790, American Scientist, Printer, Writer, Publisher, Diplomat Beware the hobby that eats. Never confuse motion with action. Many foxes grow gray but few grow good. God heals and the doctor takes the fee. Who had deceived thee so often as thyself? He that speaks ill of the mare will buy her. When you're finished changing, you're finished. Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it. If JackÕs in love, heÕs no judge of JillÕs beauty. Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days. In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. If you would know the value of money try to borrow some. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. If you desire many things, many things will seem but a few. A false friend and a shadow attend only while the sun shines. Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late. Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. Content makes poor men rich; discontentment makes rich men poor. A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one. She laughs at everything you say. Why? Because she has fine teeth. A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar. The absent are never without fault. Nor the present without excuse. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. You know who critics are? The men who have failed in literature and art. Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve. If a man empties his purse into his head, no man can take it away from him. There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. Reading makes a full man, meditation a profound man, discourse a clear man. Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five. A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself, to keep his friends in countenance. Tricks and treachery are the practice of fools, that don't have brains enough to be honest. Most people return small favors, acknowledge medium ones and repay greater ones -- with ingratitude. The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the unlearned, but it is still nonsense. He was so learned that he could name a horse in nine languages; so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on. If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write things worth reading or do things worth writing.